Go SpiderSaiyan!
by Spidersting
Summary: Vegeta, Goku, and Bulma were having lunch together. I bet you'll never guess what happened next...
1. Bunny to the Rescue!

"You will not order me around, woman! I shall do as I please." Vegeta pushed his way past his aqua-haired girlfriend and out the kitchen.

"Please, Vegeta!!! It's just Goku! I know you don't like him, but—"

"But nothing!" Vegeta interrupted, "I refuse to sit at the same table as that...that BAKA!" Vegeta was about to leave, but he suddenly noticed the look Bulma had on her face. Her lower lip was quivering and she was making puppy-dog eyes.

Vegeta cursed her for being able to manipulate him like that. Try as he might, Vegeta could not turn away. He just had to give her what she wanted.

"Fine, woman..." He muttered under his breath, "I'll eat lunch with you and Kakarott. But you had better not disturb my training for any other reason AT ALL today!"

"Agreed!" Bulma was jumping up and down gleefully.

Vegeta just sneered at her antics, leaving her to go train.

12:30...

Bulma knocked on the door of the gravity room. It powered down, and then Vegeta opened the door with a sour look on his face.

"Cheer up, Vegeta. I made your favorite! Let's go. Goku should be here soon."

Minutes later Vegeta sat at the kitchen table propping his head up with his right hand and drumming his fingers on the table with his left. He was dreading the moment his supposed 'arch-nemesis' was to arrive.

Bulma set all the food down at the table, and then looked at her watch. "Goku's five minutes late." She said.

Vegeta inwardly prayed that Kakarott wouldn't show up at all.

All of a sudden... "Hiya, Bulma!" Vegeta heard Goku's cheery, idiotic voice from behind him, and started muttering obscenities in his native language under his breath.

Goku sat down next to Vegeta, who scooted his chair closer to Bulma's.

"Here comes the main course!" Bulma put on her oven mitts and removed her casserole from the oven, setting it down on the table.

Goku started pigging out the second food touched his plate. Vegeta just looked at him with disgust, and scooted farther away as not to get hit with any flying vegetables or meatballs that accidentally missed Goku's mouth.

Bulma, still standing, and Vegeta, still sitting, paused for a while to stare at Goku.

Little did they know that a small spider was slowly lowering itself down from the ceiling towards the table where the three were eating lunch.

The blue and red spider landed on Vegeta's bare wrist. Goku was the first to notice it, and he stopped eating.

He tried to warn Vegeta, but his mouth was so full of food that he wasn't making any sense. "Whhhere's waaaa wider on wor wist!!!!!" He cried.

"What?" Bulma and Vegeta asked in unison.

Goku repeated himself, sounding even more urgent. "Whhhere's waaaa wider on woorrr wwwiiissstt!!!!!!!"

Bulma and Vegeta looked at each other, confused. Suddenly Bulma looked down and saw the arachnid.

"YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed in terror, pointing to Vegeta's wrist.

Vegeta slowly looked down and saw the strangest eight-legged creature he'd ever seen in his life. Unfortunately, he was too late. The spider sank its fangs into Vegeta's flesh.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BITING MEEEEEEEE!!!! WHAT IS IT???!!!!!!!! GET IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" As Vegeta began to freak out, so did Goku and Bulma. He stood up, knocking over the table and shaking his hand wildly. The food spilled to the floor and the spider flew up into the air...and landed on Goku's shirt.

"DAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Goku cried, falling backwards in his seat, "ICKY ICKY ICKY SPIDER!!! GET IT OFF!!!! HELP BULMA, HELP!!!!"

Unfortunately for Goku, Bulma was just as afraid of spiders as he was.

"MOMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bulma screamed. Seconds later, Bunny Briefs came running in to see what was the matter.

"Oh my goodness, what's going on in here?" She asked. Bulma and Vegeta, cowering against the opposite wall, pointed to Goku's shirt.

"Sillies!" She giggled, grabbing a paper towel and scooping up the spider off of a terrified Goku. "It's just an eensy, weensy little spider."

"IT BIT MEEEE!!!" Vegeta cried, nursing the wound. "OWEEE OWEEEE OWEEEEE OWEEEE OWEEE!!!!!!!!"

Bunny brought the spider outside and released it into her flower garden.


	2. Bad Goku!

Author's Note: In response to one of the reviewers requests, here is a longer chapter. Lemme know if it's long enough for y'all, mmmmkay.

Bulma ran upstairs after her boyfriend and crouched down next to her and Vegeta's king-sized bed. "It's okay, Vegeta, you can come out now. The spider's gone."

"NEVER, WOMAN!!!!!" Vegeta commanded, shivering wildly beneath the bed.

"Vegeta, you look like you just saw a ghost!" Bulma exclaimed upon seeing his face.

Vegeta started to whimper. "How could such a...such a hideous, horrible, DISGUSTING...creature exist?! The world has finally gone to hell, woman!!"

Goku ascended the stairs after them, curious to find out where Vegeta had run off to.

He followed Bulma into their room and spotted Vegeta hiding under the bed. "VEGETA, GET OUT FROM UNDER THERE, THAT'S WHERE SPIDERS LIVE!!!!!!"

"YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Vegeta furiously scrambled out from under the bed and then started hopping around trying to brush off all the imaginary spiders he believed were crawling on him. "GET THEM OFF!!! HELP KAKAROTT HELP!!!!!!"

Goku grabbed Vegeta by the upper arms, forcing him to be still and face Goku. He examined him and saw that there were no spiders.

"It's okay, Vegeta. It was a false alarm...uhh, what happened to your face?" Asked Goku, wondering why Vegeta was much paler than usual.

"Goku!" Bulma admonished, "Don't you ever do that again! You'll give Vegeta a nervous breakdown!!"

Goku pondered this thought for a moment. "OH MY GOD THERE'S A SPIDER BEHIND YOU VEGETA!!!!" Goku lied to see if Bulma's theory was correct. He would live to regret it.

"DAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Vegeta freaked out again and rushed for the door. Unfortunately for Goku, he was standing in the doorway, and the skulls of the two Saiyans were caught in a violent collision. Upon impact, both Goku and Vegeta fell backwards and landed flat on the carpet with a 'THUD!'

"Vegeta!!" Bulma crouched down beside her fallen love to see if he was okay. "Speak to me!!"

Goku slowly started to wake up, rubbing his bruised forehead. "Ow..." He sat up and gazed over at Bulma and Vegeta. Bulma was glaring daggers at him, and her Saiyan mate was lying on the floor...unconscious. "That was stupid." Goku told himself.

"You're darn right it was stupid, Goku! I oughta go tell Chi Chi!" Bulma scolded.

This did not sit well with Goku. "NO BULMA NO!!! DON'T TELL CHI CHI!!!!!" He shrieked with a tinge of blue on his cheeks.

"And why shouldn't I?" Bulma said, standing up and putting her hands on her hips. She was looking very cross indeed.

Goku started to whimper like a naughty little child who knew he was in trouble. "Please, Bulma...she'll...she'll...SHE'LL GIVE ME A TIME-OUT!! PLEASE BULMA, DON'T TELL!!!!" He cried in desperation.

"Oh, yeah? Well you deserve a time-out, and you're getting one right now! Go stand in the corner this instant and don't come out until I say so!" She ordered, pointing to the said location in her and Vegeta's bedroom.

Goku started to whimper again as he slowly got up from the floor, hanging his head.

"First you have to help me get Vegeta into the bed." Bulma commanded.

They picked up the fallen Prince and placed him on the mattress. Once that task had been completed, Bulma pointed furiously to the corner with an angry expression on her face. Goku walked over to the corner in shame and stood there as Bulma had ordered.

"Now don't you move from THAT SPOT until I say so, and Chi Chi WILL hear about this!! Mark my words, Goku!!" She left the room and came back with an icepack, which she carefully placed on Vegeta's forehead.

20 minutes later...

"Bulma? May I come out now?" Goku asked sheepishly, turning his head slightly to see her.

"Turn back around NOW!" She ordered. Goku immediately obeyed.

A few seconds later...

"Bulma? Did you by chance get a good look at the spider that bit Vegeta?"

"NO TALKING!!!!"

Goku promptly shut up.

Pause. "Why do you ask?" Inquired a curious Bulma, more calmly than before.

"Well," Replied Goku in a submissive voice, "Did it look familiar at all? I dunno, I just kinda felt like...like I've seen it somewhere before...um, I think."

"I don't study spiders, Goku, and I don't know what species live around here. They all look alike to me." She said, removing the icepack from Vegeta's forehead to take a look at the black-and-blue lump.

"NO NO! That's not what I mean... Do you remember the movie we saw last year?" He asked her.

"Goku, I saw quite a few movies last year. Why?"

"No, I mean the one that you saw with me...at the cinema...down the road? Remember?" He peeked over his shoulder at her while she was distracted, then quickly turned his head back when she looked up again.

"Oh, yeah," Bulma recalled, "That superhero movie. Which one was that again? I've seen quite a few."

"Spider-man." Goku answered bluntly.

"Right. What about it?" Bulma placed the icepack back on Vegeta's forehead.

"Do you remember how Peter Parker got his powers?"

"Yeah, he was bitten by a mutant spider or something. What does this have to do with Vegeta?" Bulma inquired, thinking this conversation was starting to get stupid.

"Well, I don't know if you noticed during all that chaos that went on downstairs, but that spider had the same coloring as the one in the movie. Isn't that weird?"

Bulma rolled her eyes and stood up to face Goku. "You can turn around now. What IS the point you're trying to make, Goku?"

"Well, um...I just thought that...uhh...that...um..." Suddenly Goku spun around quickly and started hopping up and down in excitement, "I JUST THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE SOOOOOOO COOL IF VEGETA BECAME SPIDER-SAIYAN!!!!!!!! WOULDN'T THAT BE AWESOME, BULMA?!!!! HUH?!!!! WOULDN'T IT?!!!!!!!!"

Bulma just stared at Goku with a blank expression on her face, almost as if she was looking through him at the bedroom wall opposite her. "Bulma? Are...are you okay? You look kinda spacey..."

He waved a hand in front of her face, snapping her out of her stupor. "Goku! That's ridiculous! That was a movie!! A work of fiction!! Say it with me, now, FIC-TION! F-I-C-T-I-O-N!!!"

"Fic-tion...F-I-C-T-I-O-N." Goku slowly repeated after her, mesmerized.

She slowly reached for his arm and led him out the door. "Good Goku, now go home to Chi Chi. Vegeta needs to rest now."

"Fic-tion...F-I-C-T-I-O-N." He continued to repeat, slowly descending the stairs.

Bulma watched him from the top step, shaking her head. 'That Goku. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but at least he saves the world all the time.' She told herself before returning to Vegeta's side.


	3. And the Almighty SpiderSaiyan is Born

Author's Note: Just in case my readers aren't yet aware of it, I love slapstick. I do drama as well and other fluff stuff like that. In response to yet ANOTHER reviewers request, I have made Ch. 3 EVEN LONGER than Ch. 2, so here ya'll are. I usually do short chapters 'cause I'm lazy, but I give in easily to peer pressure as you can see. I'm likely to give in to any request, unless I think it's REALLY stupid. Areiko, I'm not so sure that you're right that Vegeta wouldn't freak out about a spider. I can totally see it happening. I have to admit I was shocked when I saw the episode where Goku, Almighty Super Saiyan warrior, started panicking over needles. People can shock you with what they are and aren't capable of doing. Oh, and one more thing, Duck has been forgiven for his/her strange comment. Proceed.

Author's Confession: One other thing guys, I feel really bad for being so mean to Goku...wait wait...um, no...no, I don't. Never mind. He's a baka. On with the story...

Vegeta was curled up into a fetal position with his tail wrapped protectively around him, hugging his knees to his chest. "No...please...get them off...ow...biting...must rid world...evil spi-spiders...uhnnn ...ZZZZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz...no, please...don't wanna be a...icky spider...ZZZZZzzzzzzZZZ...stupid ...Kakarott ...crackpot... Krackapott...I'll crack a...pot over...head...baka...zzzzzzz..." He muttered in his sleep.

"You mean he's been doing this all night?" Asked Goku, feeling even more ashamed of his actions the day before. He was standing next to Vegeta's bed.

"Yeah, he's never slept this long. I'm kinda worried." Replied Bulma, pausing. "But it is nice to have some peace and quiet around here for once."

"Really? You mean something GOOD came out of this? I should scare Vegeta more often... Is this why you haven't told Chi Chi yet? 'Cause you're not mad at me anymore?" Goku smiled sweetly at her.

"Oh, yeah! I forgot to do that. Thanks for the reminder. I'll go take care of that right now. WATCH VEGETA!" She ordered, leaving to go use the kitchen phone.

"BULMA!!!!" Goku cried, blue-faced and hopping up and down in distress.

She just proceeded down the stairs and into the kitchen without even looking back.

Goku sank down onto the floor and scooted backwards until his back was against the wall, whining to himself about mean blue-haired people and scary wives. He hugged his knees and hid his face in them.

In the kitchen...

"That's right, Chi Chi! He was VERY bad last night! Vegeta STILL hasn't woken up!...uh huh...uh huh...yeah. Good. I'm relying on you to set him straight. Okay, thanks. Yeah, buhbye." Bulma put down the receiver.

By the time she returned to the bedroom, Goku was still on the floor hugging his knees and rocking back and forth, whimpering in a high voice. "I'M A BAD PERSON!!! WAHHH!!!" He started to sob.

"Don't you give me those crocodile tears, Goku! Get your butt off the floor and you head straight home now! Chi Chi's waiting for you and if you're not home in twenty minutes, you're in BIG trouble, mister!" She pointed towards the door.

He slowly pulled himself to his feet, looking all depressed and crap in an attempt to get some sympathy (which, may I say, did not work in the least). "M-May I apologize to V-Vegeta before I g-go.... (bottom lip quivering) p-please... (voice cracking) it'd make me feel b-b-better...(sniffle)"

"Well let's see now..." Bulma began with a hint of sarcasm, "I don't know if you've noticed, Goku, but Vegeta isn't exactly responsive right now. Hmmm? Now I wonder who's fault that could be?"

"It's okay...i-if he d-d-doesn't respond...it'd still m-make m-me f-f-feel b-better...WAAHHHHH!!!!!" Once again, he began to sob like the whiney little baby he was.

Bulma immediately stuffed a balled-up pair of socks in his mouth. "Okay, fine! Apologize, but you had better hurry up and get home before twenty minutes is up! Chi Chi's got a timer!" Bulma warned.

Goku spat out the sock and gulped. Twenty minutes until his execution, he stood at the foot of the V-man's bed and prepared to execute a long speech about how very, very, very sorry he was at the moment (and would be in twenty minutes).

Vegeta had stopped muttering in his sleep and had now taken to sucking his tail. Goku found that somewhat distracting. "Um, Bulma? Do you think you could...you know..." He gestured for her to remove the tail from the mouth.

She did so, but the sleeping Saiyan immediately stuck in his thumb as a backup. Bulma was about to remove that too, but Goku just told her not to worry about it.

After taking a deep breath in preparation for the speech, Goku began. "Well 'Geta, I guess...I g-guess you were right about me...all along you were right about me. I am a...a...a baka. Try to understand, your Royal Royal Highness, 'cause it's not my fault!! I was hit on the head when I was just a widdle baby and...well, you might say quite a few brain cells met their...met their demise that day (sniffle). Oh, it was a sad day, Vegeta! I even n-named them...but I forgot all their names because they weren't there to help me remember. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!" He sobbed. Bulma was crying too at this point.

Just then Vegeta started to move around in his sleep. He took his thumb out of his mouth, and started muttering things again. Then, all of a sudden, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! DON'T LET THE SPIDERS GET ME!!!! BULMA!!!!! KAKAROTT!!!!" He shot up out of bed in an attempt to flee from the venomous spiders of his nightmare.

"DAAHHHHH!!!" Cried a shocked Goku, blue-faced and with his eyes bulging out. He jolted backwards in terror, tripped, and then proceeded to land on his ass.

Suddenly Vegeta, who was sitting up in bed with his eyes still closed, quieted down and curled back up on the mattress like a kitty-cat, still asleep. He even purred.

"Oh, isn't that cute!" Bulma said to Goku, who was lying on the floor convulsing from the outburst. His hair was disheveled and a large sweat drop was forming on his forehead.

Suddenly Vegeta's eyes popped open. The first thing he saw was Bulma's happy face smiling down at him. He immediately sat up and grabbed the front of her shirt, bringing her face down to his level. "Bulma!! I just had the worst nightmare EVER!!!!!"

Before she could answer, Vegeta noticed movement in the corner of his eye, and he turned his head to see what it was. He saw Goku lying on the ground looking like he had just wrestled with a hurricane. He started to snicker evilly. "Heh heh heh... What happened to that baka? Heh heh...heh..."

"Um, it's kind of a...a long story. Um, yeah." Bulma replied.

"I don't have time for long stories! Look how late it is. I NEVER sleep this late. Come on, baka. We're going to spar." Vegeta stood up and snatched Goku by the shirt, dragging him out the bedroom door.

"S-spiders...don't let the...Bulma...noooo..." Goku murmured with his eyes wide open, stumbling down the stairs as Vegeta dragged him along.

"What are you moaning about, Kakarott? I don't have time for your cowardice! Get over your pathetic little fears NOW or face my wrath." He dragged Goku out to the Gravitron, opened the door, and threw the baka inside.

Goku got up from the floor and shook his head. He had finally snapped out of it, but now he had no idea how he got inside the gravity room. "I wonder what's going on?" He thought aloud, staring at the control panel.

"What do you THINK is going on, BAKA!! We're training! Now shut up and get your stupid baka self into battle mode!" Vegeta strutted over to the control panel about to turn on the gravity.

"VEGETA!!! YOU'RE OKAY!!!!" He dashed toward the Saiyan Prince and tackled him in a big bear hug.

Vegeta desperately tried to escape the iron grip of his nemesis, but was failing miserably. His feet couldn't reach the floor, so he tried to kick Goku, but found himself in a bad position to attempt such an attack. What's worse, his air supply was being cut off as Goku squeezed the oxygen out of his lungs.

"CHI CHI'S NOT GONNA KILL ME, LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!!!" Sang the newly rejoiced Saiyan warrior. He put Vegeta back down on his feet and started dancing with him.

"What the...?" Vegeta tried to pull away, but was unable to avoid the graceful twirls of Goku's merry little shindig. "Kakarott!!! Your Prince demands that you release him AT ONCE!!!!"

Goku, however, was too busy counting steps and humming along. Unfortunately, the poor Prince's pleas went unheard. "KAKAROTT!!!!!!!!!"

Suddenly Goku remembered something and his eyes popped wide open. "OH MY GOD VEGETA, I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING!!!!!!" He released (or should I say 'dropped') the smaller Saiyan, who tripped backwards and landed flat on his ass.

"OWWW!!!!! BAKA!!!!" Vegeta roared in indignation.

"VEGETA OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO TRY SOMETHING JUST TRUST ME ON THIS OKAY!!!!!!!!!" He snagged Vegeta's wrist and pulled him to his feet.

"NEVER DO THAT TO ME EVER, EVER AGAIN BAKA!!!!!" Vegeta screamed at the top of his lungs, enraged by the humiliation of it all.

"Okay, I'm sorry." Goku stated bluntly, trying to look innocent.

The rage inside Vegeta was becoming so intense that his entire body was trembling wildly and his tail was twitching back and forth in agitation.

"CALM DOWN VEGETA I WANNA TRY SOMETHING WITH YOU OKAY!!!!! If you don't calm down I'll start dancing with you again." Goku warned, eyeing Vegeta.

Vegeta immediately shut up in hope of evading further humiliation.

"Now do exactly as I do." Goku instructed. He held out his open hand with the palm facing up, and then pressed his middle and ring finger down onto his palm.

"Are you trying to teach me a new technique, Kakarott?"

"Um...yeah. I can't actually do it, but you might be able to. Try it!"

Vegeta held up his hand in the exact same way Goku had, and then pressed his middle and ring finger down onto his palm.

THWIP! A long white strand shot from Vegeta's wrist and stuck to the back of the launch seats in front of the control panel.

"WHAT THE FUCK??!!!!" Vegeta yanked his hand back in shock. His great strength caused the launch seats to break off from the foundation attaching them to the floor.

The heavy metal seats flew straight at the two Saiyans. They both panicked, but Vegeta's fear instantly translated into movement, unlike Goku's. The Saiyan Prince instantly flipped up to the ceiling of the Gravitron and stuck there. Goku, however, required a little time to get into battle mode, and was therefore unfortunately clobbered by the flying titanium seats.

"OH MY GOD WHAT'S GOING ON KAKAROTT I'M NOT USING MY KI!!!!!!" Vegeta cried, looking down only to find that there was no Kakarott. "KAKAROTT WHERE ARE YOU??!!!!!!!

He heard a muffled voice, and turned his head only to find that Goku had been crushed against the far wall by the flying titanium seats, making what one might refer to as a 'Goku sandwich.'

Suddenly Bulma burst into the gravity room. "GOKU, WHERE ARE YOU?!!! CHI CHI CALLED AND MAN ARE YOU IN TROUBLE NOW!!!!....huh?" She looked around, but spotted no Saiyans. Boy, was she in for a BEEEEEG surprise...


	4. Hi! My Name is Baka, What's Yours?

Author's Note: My sincerest apologies to chaosbardock, but I am going to have to deny your request in order to preserve the comedic properties of this fanfic. The guys will be acting very cartoony for the rest of the story. Now a message to everyone else: I admit that I don't hate Goku because he's a good character to use for comedy, but Vegeta rox my sox! You all will bow to his Royal, Royal, Royal Highness!!!!

"And that's it for today's episode of Dragon Ball Z: And the Spider-Saiyan is Born. Tune in next time for some great web-slingin' actio—" CLICK!

"Suddenly I'm not so upset any more that Vegeta survived and I didn't. Heh heh..." Came the sinister-sounding voice resembling that of an elderly woman. The extremely amused, yet extremely deceased Ice-jin put down the remote control for his EV (Earth-Vision). He leaned back in his recliner and looked out the bay window of his own personal Hell home, down at the rings of fire and burning, tormented souls below.

"I totally agree, Master Frieza. I suddenly feel so much betta...like a great weight's been lifted offa me shoulders." Agreed the red-skinned white-haired former warrior known as Jeice in his British-accent-like voice, sitting on the sofa next to Frieza's recliner.

A curvaceous, scantily dressed devil-girl walked by and handed Frieza the glass of wine he had requested. "Why, thank you, my dear." The former tyrant took it gratefully.

"My pleasure, Master Frieza!" She purred seductively, taking a seat on the Ice-jin's lap.

"Oh, no, my dear. The pleasure is entirely mine..." The two were about to start sucking face, but Jeice cleared his throat to get the lizard-like creature's attention.

Frieza turned to him, "Oh, my apologies Jeice. Yes, I agree. It turns out that the other baka Saiyan is making him far more miserable than I ever managed to. And to think he's not even trying! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh, I just remembered! Captain Ginyu wants to know if you've finished writing his recommendation for that demon job yet, but the deadline's next week so there's no rush."

"Finished it just last night. Ask my devil-maid on the way out. She'll show you where it is."

"Right-o! I'll go do that. Thank you, Master Frieza." Said Jeice, bowing low before him.

Okay, I'm done being random. Now back to the story...

"Um...okay..." Bulma looked around the GT, but there were no Saiyans in sight. She did, however, notice that the titanium launch seats had been ripped off their foundations. She discovered that they had been hurled against the opposite wall. "OH MY GOD!!!!"

Vegeta dropped down from the ceiling and landed in a graceful crouch right behind her. "Bulma!! Holy crap, you won't believe what just happened!!!!"

She spun around in surprise. "Where in the hell did you just come from?! What's going on?!!"

"Never mind that. Kakarott!!!!" Vegeta cried, jogging over to the 'Goku sandwich' and pulling down the titanium launch seats that were imprinted into the wall.

Goku resembled a bug that had just been squashed underfoot. Vegeta peeled the Goku-pancake off the wall and dragged him over to where Bulma was.

"Goku! You better get home right away! Chi Chi just called!" She warned.

Goku tried to murmur his reply, but it was unintelligible. Vegeta answered for him, "NO!!! Kakarott cannot go home until he shows me how to use my new powers!!!"

"What new powers?" Asked Bulma, confused.

"I don't know what they are, but this baka does." He said, pointing to the smash-faced Goku in his grip.

"What's he talking about, Goku?" Asked Bulma.

"Uhhnnnnnm mmnnnimmm!!!!" Cried Goku in pain.

"Maybe we should put him in the regen tank first." Bulma recommended.

"That'll take forever, woman! I want to learn about my new powers NOW!!! I wonder if this baka has any senzu beans..." Vegeta reached into Goku's pocket and came out with a small sack.

Grabbing Goku by the hair, which was extremely messed up (more so than usual) and sticking in every random direction, he forced his head back so his mouth would open and tossed in the senzu bean, "CHEW, BAKA, CHEW!! FASTER, BAKA!!!!" He forced his jaw up and down trying to make the brain-damaged Saiyan eat the legume.

Vegeta released his grip on Goku, who immediately collapsed to the floor, and turned to address Bulma, but not before snickering at Goku's misery. "Now watch this, woman." Vegeta flicked his wrist, but nothing happened. "What the...? Crap! I already forgot how to do it!"

Goku suddenly got up from the floor. "What's going on? Where am I?"

Vegeta grabbed the dazed Saiyan by the front of his shirt and shook him. "I command you to show me how to do it again, baka!!!" Vegeta demanded.

"Do what again?" Asked a stupefied Goku.

"The thing that you showed me how to do!!"

"What thing that I showed you how to do?"

"The wrist thing!!!!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember anything that just happened, baka?"

"Umm..."

"What's your name? Do you even remember that?"

"Uh, Baka?"

Vegeta paused. "Close, but not quite. Try again, baka!" He shook him again.

"..."

"Who am I? Who is she?" He gestured towards Bulma.

"..."

"Maybe if you clonk him on the head with something, it'll jog his memory." Bulma suggested.

"No, that'll just make him triple-brain-damaged." Vegeta put a hand to his chin, trying to think of a different solution. "I've got it! All right, baka, I'm going to introduce you to an extremely hideous person. You must try not to be shocked by his idiotic appearance and just tell me if you recognize him at all."

"Okay."

Vegeta dragged Goku into the bathroom and thrust him in front of the mirror. "Now, does this disgusting person look in any way familiar to you? Think carefully, baka."

"Ummmmm...uhhhhh...lemme see...no, I don't think so."

Vegeta sighed in frustration.

"I know what we can do!!" Bulma spoke up.

They both turned to her. "Yes?" They asked in unison.

"Just follow me, guys!" She said, proceeding to lead them out the gravity room door, "Science is probably the best way to solve this problem."

Vegeta and Goku followed behind her side by side. As they were walking through the yard back to Bulma's house, Goku leaned over and whispered in Vegeta's ear. "Pssst! I didn't wanna say this in front of that guy you showed me, but it turns out you were right about his appearance. Did you get a look at his hair? Damn..." He shook his head in disapproval.

A sly smirk started to appear on Vegeta's face. He put a hand on Goku's shoulder. "Baka, from now on I think we're going to get along just fine..."

Author's Final Note: Okay, guys, I really AM starting to feel bad for Goku right now. Who would you all say that I've tormented worse in this story? Goku or Vegeta? Vegeta has been humiliated, yet Goku has been depicted as he truly is (which is also humiliating). They both had their heads smashed, but only Vegeta was attacked by the vicious super-spider and only Goku was smashed by the flying titanium launch seats. I just...I can't decide. Damn. Who's suffering worse in YOUR opinion? Lemme know what yous guys think, 'kay. Thanx. Oh, one more thing, I'm sorry that I made this chapter shorter, but after Vegeta's last comment it just seemed like the perfect place to conclude. I'll try and make the next chapter longer, mmmmkay.


	5. Dumbass Spider Powers

Author's Note: This is a message to fire vixon: I totally agree that it's funny that Vegeta's scared of spiders, just like Goku is scared of needles. It's especially funny b/c I'm not afraid of either one of those things and both Goku or Vegeta could totally kick my A$$ in battle. Another message to Mrs. Trunks Briefs: Come to think of it, you're right. The fact that Bulma's a genius means she can't experience the 'blissful ignorance' enjoyed by Goku (and to a lesser degree by Vegeta). Idiocy has proven to be a very good 'anesthetic.' And one last message to Jack: Thank you for agreeing with me that Goku's a retard. Okay, on with the show...

"Okay... You guys ready?" Bulma fired up the Amnesiotron, one of her father's first inventions.

Goku, strapped into the memory-restoring machine, and Vegeta nodded in unison.

Just then an error message appeared on the screen of the computer Bulma was sitting at.

"Huh?" Bulma slowly stood up and strolled over to the backside of the Amnesiotron, where she snapped open a metal panel. Something vital appeared to be missing. 'Hmm...I do believe this has been tampered with...' She thought to herself.

"Guys, it appears that we're missing a microchip that the system cannot function without." She informed them upon her return to the computer in front of the sabotaged machine.

"Well hurry up and find it, woman! We wouldn't want to do anything to displease his Royal, Royal, Royal Highness Almighty Prince Vegeta of the Great Saiyan Empire." Exclaimed an amnesiac Goku in a worried tone. Bulma cocked an eyebrow at him, confused.

"Good boy!" Vegeta tossed a Scooby snack into the grateful Saiyan's mouth and then patted him on the head. The Saiyan Prince had a very wide and very malicious smile across his face.

Bulma shot him a suspicious glance. He avoided her eye contact. As she continued to stare, Vegeta began whistling nervously and twiddling his thumbs. A large sweat drop was forming on his forehead, as was a blue hue on his cheeks.

Her eyebrows lowered in warning. "Hand it over, Vegeta!"

Vegeta jumped in feigned surprise, attempting to appear innocent. "Hand WHAT over, woman?! I haven't the slightest clue as to what you're talking about...really...I...I don't..." He trailed off, becoming more and more intimidated by her accusing glare.

"Please, Vegeta! Guilt is written all over your face."

"G-Guilt? What means this 'guilt' of which you speak?"

Bulma sighed and rubbed her forehead. 'Why me...?' She wondered. "Do you want to learn about your new 'powers' or not?"

"Forget the stupid powers, woman! Baka-rott knows his place all too well in this state."

Bulma just rolled her eyes and extended her open hand towards him in anticipation. Vegeta's gaze fell on her hand, then on his own shirt pocket, and then on her hand again. He audibly swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat.

"I'm waiting." She impatiently announced.

The Saiyan Prince sighed in defeat and reached into his pocket. With his head lowered in shame, he reluctantly handed her the missing microchip. She forcefully snatched it from him, "BAD VEGETA! I bet you're not even sorry, jerk!"

"Sure I am...sorry I got caught, that is..." He inaudibly muttered under his breath.

With a replaced chip, Bulma re-fired up the Amnesiotron. The machine came to life and a bright blue light engulfed Dr. Briefs' entire laboratory.

1...2...3... The blue light died down.

"Hey, Bulma! Hey, Vegeta! Whatcha guys up to?"

"FINALLY!!!" Vegeta snatched Goku by the throat and tore him away from the Amnesiotron's restraints, "Now I command you to show me how to do it again!" He cried, violently shaking the confused warrior.

It took a moment, but realization soon dawned on Goku. "You...you mean...YOU MEAN IT WORKED!!" He started to excitedly jump up and down, despite the fact that Vegeta was still strangling him. "WHOO HOO!!"

Suddenly he paused. "Vegeta, I have a movie to show you! So you can learn about how your new powers work! C'mon, let's go to my house! Ooh, and we can even have a sleepover! YAY, SAIYAN SLUMBER PARTY!!!"

A frenzied Goku enthusiastically snagged the Saiyan Prince by the sleeve and zoomed out the laboratory door in the direction of Mount Paozu with the discombobulated warrior in tow.

"Wait!" Cried Bulma, "...what's going on?" Unfortunately it was too late, the two had already left. Bulma was left clueless.

Minutes later, the Saiyan duo touched down in front of the taller one's house and screeched to a stop when Goku came face to angry face with his infuriated wife. The slits of her eyes were dangerously narrow and her teeth were bared, "GOKU!!!!"

Upon the mention of his name, he speedily scurried behind the shorter Saiyan and hid his face in Vegeta's wild black mane, whimpering in fear. "Protect me!" He pleaded.

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Your cowardice is painful to bear, Baka-rott."

The annoyed Prince impatiently seized the cantankerous onna by the shirt collar and tossed her aside like the piece of trash she truly, truly was. "Out of my way, you badly dressed wench. Your wardrobe is an insult to my regal vision. And unfortunately I do not have time to enjoy watching you terrorize your idiot mate at the moment, as much as I'd love to. KAKAROTT!"

A trembling Goku peeked over the shoulder of his ex-arch-nemesis. "Is...is it s-safe?"

"Hurry up, Kakarott, and show me this idiotic 'movie' you spoke of!" He grabbed Goku by the collar of his orange gi shirt and dragged him through the entryway of his own home.

Five minutes later Goku plopped down on the couch next to Vegeta with a large bowl of extra-butter popcorn in hand. "Want some, Veggie?"

"NO!!"

"Suit yourself." Goku picked up the remote and pressed 'play.'

Approx. 121 minutes later...

'And they say that

A hero could save us,

I'm not gonna stand here

And waaaaiiiiii...'

Goku glanced over at the jaw-dropped, wide-eyed Saiyan perched beside him on the sofa in front of the rolling credits. He was expecting some type of reaction, but it was denied to him, so he finally spoke up, "So Veggie, whatcha think?"

Goku's comment snapped Vegeta out of his trance. He slowly rose to his feet, "These. Are. The. Most. Retarded. Powers. EVEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!" He stomped his foot to emphasize the word 'ever.' "I could totally kick that guy's spider-ass IN MY SLEEP, Kami-damn it!!!! I wanna be a Super Saiyan, not a dumbass Spider-Saiyan!" He started to shout obscenities in Saiyago.

Goku gasped. He grabbed Vegeta by the front of the shirt and forced him down to his eye-level, "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS VEGETA THOSE ARE THE BEST POWERS EVER I WOULD TRADE IN MY SUPERSAIYANHOOD TO BE A SPIDER-SAIYAN ANY DAY!!!"

Vegeta was shocked into silence. His eyes narrowed, "Well I guess we're both screwed to hell, then. What's so great about these dumbass spider powers anyway?"

"Well..." Goku released his hold on Vegeta and stood up from the couch, "first of all, you can sneak up on people without using your ki, nobody can sneak up on you because you've got spider sense (AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE PAYING ATTENTION!!), you can cocoon people in an instant, you might be able to talk to spiders and ask them why they're so icky...OH!! AND YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS WITH JUST A SIMPLE FLICK OF THE WRIST AND—mmmmm!!!!"

Vegeta shot a glob of webbing, sealing Goku's mouth shut. "And I can make you shut up in an instant...an amazing feat, I admit...hmm, these powers may not be all that great for fighting, but do you know what they just might be good for? Do you, Kakarott?"

Goku shook his head, "Mmmm-mmm."

A malicious grin tugged at the sides of Vegeta's mouth. He grabbed Goku by the shoulder and forced him to lean over so Vegeta could whisper in his ear, "Do you happen to be familiar with the term 'prank'?"

Goku's eyebrows lowered. He stood up and shook a finger at Vegeta in reprimand as he attempted to speak, "Mmmiff mem momer mom mem memomomimiti."

"Huh?"

"Mmmiff mem momer mom mem memomomimiti."

"Huh?"

Goku tore the webbing off his mouth, "OW! I said...remember Vegeta, with great power comes great responsibility."

Vegeta paused for a moment, then burst out laughing, "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, KAKAROTT????!!!!!!!!! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! I think we're going to need to modify that phrase juuuuussstt a slight bit." He grabbed Goku by the hair and brought the taller man's ear down to his mouth and whispered, "With great power, comes great evillity. Remember that, Kakarott, remember that..."


End file.
